It never fails. Right when you believe you are making some headway, you slip and tumble headlong into another mess. We scramble to get back to our feet, but the path is muddy and our shoes are worn down. There is no traction and the slope is steep. Or is it just me?
There are days when I am excited by the possibilities before me. Then there are others that seem bleak and inconsequential. Mundane. That is a good descriptive word. Days that are mundane.
There are moments when I believe that I am being understood and others can comprehend what is on my heart and mind. Then almost as quickly as that passes I am caught up in a subtle confusion. I try to explain why I am so burdened with those that seem untouched by a shared experience.
There are times of quietness and peace. Times when I can sense God’s presence so strongly that I am overwhelmed. Yet these are replaced by noise, busyness, and stress. The presence is gone and a great longing replaces it.
There are times when I feel strong, courageous, willing to risk it all for the chance to make a difference, to move through fear. Those moments slip away and get overtaken by a multiplicity of negative emotions and beliefs that capture my mind. The fear I pushed through previously has recaptured me and holds me. I am a prisoner.
Yet through it all, I have come to an understanding. This is life. This is how it goes. I will never function fully in victory every moment of every day…and neither will you. If we could, we would be perfect. I long for perfection. I strive for it. I am at my deepest a perfectionist. It leaves me very broken and pained. It is one of my struggles.
Through the moments and days, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum, I hold to one truth. I am a child of God. He has not forsaken me. He sees me. He knows my desires and dreams. He carries my hurts. He forgives my failures. He is ever faithful. If I trip, stumble, fall in the mud and can’t seem to get upright I know His hand will be extended. He is ever reaching for us.
Through the mundane moments, He will be waiting for me to open my eyes to the possibilities again. When I am confused and burdened, He will be listening. When life is hectic and I cannot sense His presence, He will be waiting for me to be still so he can whisper to my heart. When I am overrun with negative emotions and fear, He will be giving me courage, waiting for me to overcome, making me brave, releasing me from my prison.
So, I stumble into another day looking to make progress. I won’t give up. I will reach for His hand and try again. I know He will be there…
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